so close and yet so far

During high school, I was a certified overachiever. I played soccer, took Latin, played piano, and participated in many other activities. I hoped that all of these things would help me get in to a good college. When it came time to take my SAT, I wanted to achieve an exceptional score to ensure that I would get into the colleges I wanted to apply to. Because my mom attended Rice during her undergrad days, I had been interested in the school from a very young age. I corresponded with the soccer coach there, who recruited me to come play for the school. My first trial of the SAT proved to not be the grade I wanted at all. I by no means received a grade necessary for the tougher schools like Rice. Because the minimum SAT score for entry into Rice was so far beyond the score I made, I came to the reality that I was not going to get into Rice with only slight disappointment. However, I wanted to improve my scores to allow me entry into some other less prestigious, but still rigorous schools. I took a Kaplan course and tried the SAT one more time. This time, I came within just 20 points of the minimum SAT score required at Rice. When I received these results, I was much more devastated because I was sooo close to achieving my goal.
This phenomenon of feeling much more disappointment when I was closer to my goals is an example of a simulation heuristic, or counterfactual thinking. Neither grade would allow me to be accepted into the schools I wanted, but because I was so close to scoring the appropriate grade the second time I thought back through all the questions in which I'd had to decide between two choices and kicked myself that I hadn't made the right decisions. I thought "if only I had studied a few more vocabulary words, or eaten a slightly better breakfast, or slept an extra hour" I wound be accepted into Rice. Realistically, because I had taken the Kaplan and learned tricks about taking standardized tests, I would probably not have scored a much better grade than the grade I earned the second time. Even if I had, barely making the minimum is not good news for later course success. But because I was able to think so clearly of just doing a little bit better on the test I did take, the news that my grade was not quite up to par was all the more devastating.

Kahneman, D. & Miller, D. (1986). Norm theory: Comparing reality to its alternatives. Psychological Review, 93, 136-153.